Italy's Hidden Sorrow
by bittterblueyes27
Summary: A day of sadness for Italy as he remembers Holy Rome on the day he was told he died. Too bad the World Meeting is today, and what will happen when Italy falls asleep? READ TO FIND OUT. I DO NOT OWN HETALIA. EPIC SADNESS. Update: I HAVE ADDED PART TWO! BE HAPPY!
1. Chapter 1

It was that day. That one day had finally come. The one he dreaded the most, that comes around every year. Usually, he could hide from the world (literally) but the world meeting just happened to come around on that ONE AWFUL DAY.

It was like tourture to him, he was overwhelmed with extreme sadness and depression. He always felt this way, but it usually wasnt as extreme. He couldnt even lift the corners of his mouth at all, it was like someone had stiched them in place, not letting him smile.

It hurt to think on this day, it hurt to feel any emotion. It just hurt. He hid away in his large house attic for half the day, then off to the cemetary with the empty tomb to cry his eyes out the rest of the day.

Usually, France or Hungary or both came along to help him. Soothe him when he is crying, placing flowers on the tomb, hugging him so he wont shake as much from the crying. When he was in the attic, he would paint.

Pictures of remembered landscapes from his childhood, rooms in that huge house, and sometimes him.

He would never forget his face. He will never forget his promise, of waiting until he gets back, but even he knows he'll never come back.

* * *

He woke up, being shaken by Germany into a consious state.

"Wake up, dumm-kopf!"

"Whaaa-?"

"Get UP!" Germany yelled at him, Italy sat bolt upright in his bed (Yes, his own, actual bed, he didnt sleep with Germany on this one day. I know, shocking), feeling a bit foggy headed and drowsy.

"Im up! Im up!"

Italy scrambled out of the bed, not wearing a shirt but, thankfully, wearing some boxers.

'Why is Germany making me get up early on this day? Does he know?'

"Get dressed, we are going to be late for the World Meeting."

'Aw, damnit. Why did it have to be today?'

Germany walked out to make breakfast while Italy got dressed. Instead of his normal blue uniform, he dressed in a similar one; it was black. He put on his pink undershirt like always, then adding his regilar black colored shirt over it. Then a blue tie and a black uniform jacket, and a pair of black pants. It was basically the same as his normal outfit, just a different color scheme. All black.

When he walked out, there were two plates filled with bacon amd eggs. Usually, he would sit down and wolf it down, asking for seconds. But today, he wasnt hungary at all. No, he couldnt eat anything. Germany sat across from him, eating his food slowly and calmly.

He looked up at Italy in surprise, seeing that he was playing with his food instead of eating it, not the slightest hint of a smile on his face at all, or even a single 'Ve' or 'Pasta!'

It was kind of unnerving.

"Italy? Is something wrong?"

"Hmm? No. Im good."

To prove his point, he swallowed a pice of food, but it just tasted dry and it felt lodged in his throat, making him regret it.

Germany shrugged it off, but he was still supicious...

They were the first ones at the meeting. They turned on all the lights in the house that they met in when Italy was the host country. They turned on all the lights that were needed, turned the A/C on because it was kinda hot out, and fed the cat that lived there.

"Hello, Pookie." Italy said with barley any enthusiasm. Germany was worried, Italy was acting strange today, but of course he wouldnt say he was worried, so he ignored it. But something in his head kept telling him to ask Italy about it.

Italy scratched Pookie behind the ears once before taking his seat. Usually, he would play with the cat until the others arrived, but this time he didn't.

Others arrived, and the meeting started. France and Hungary both took notice in the Italian's appearance, and exchanged looks to one another before continuing with the meeting.

I was walking up the path from the well, carrying a heavy bucket of water. I walked on my tiptoes a bit, so I wouldn't trip on my dress. The bucket was heavy, I had to carry it with two hands, grunting slightly every time I took a step.

I heard commotion at the house, so I sped up my steps a bit. I walked into the courtyard to find wagons filled with objects, and men all around. Soldiers. Three wagons were filled completely with... What were they...

Paintings. All three filled to the brim with paintings.

Holy Rome walked into the courtyard and stopped instantly when he saw me. I stared at him as he stared back at me.

I would never had said something, but he was VERY handsome. I always thought he had been. He usually wore all black, hiding his spiky blonde hair under his black hat. And his eyes, they were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen in my life. They were a beautiful, calm, comforting blue, but when he was angry, they held such an intensity that it made me hold my breath.

He really was an amazing person, nice too, but he was very awkward around me. He got along with the adults just fine, but never with me.

Anyway, he was staring at me with those gorgeous eyes, a slight worried expression on his face. He was holding a painting in his hands, which he quickly slid around his back to hide from me. I didn't care, though.

"Good morning, Holy Rome! How are you?" I asked as I ran over to him.

He puffed out his chest a bit, holding the painting close to his back.

"Wait! Hold on!" He said to me, with a slightly angry, but also confused look on his face.

I stopped and frowned. What did he say? We were a couple feet from each other, him holding his painting behind his back and me holding my bucket.

"You run when I chase you, and yet you chase after me when I run! Why do you do that? It

doesn't make sense!"

"Um, I don't know."

"Please listen, Italy. There is something very important I've been meaning to say to you."

As he said this, his men, his soldiers started to take the wagons and things and leave.

"Im a sorry about everything. Im leaving, though, so you don't have to be afraid anymore."

He looked sad. Depressed and very sad. I knew he didn't want to leave, and I didn't want him to either.

"Wait. What are you saying?"

"I have to go away now."

"Holy Rome, are you ready?" One of his soldiers asked him.

"Si." He said. He faced me directly, looking me in the eye. Well, closed eye.

"Well, I'll see you around. Take good care of yourself."

With that, he turned around and started to walk away. From me. Out of my life. I stood there, dumbstruck. He couldn't just leave!

"Are you really leaving?"

He ignored the question.

'But, I don't want you to go, Holy Rome.'

I remembered the times we shared in that short period of time we were together. I focused on the back of his head as he walked further away from me.

I waved my arms up and down,

"Oh no! Don't go! Please! What will I do without you!? Don't leave me, no!" I cried as tears formed in my eyes.

He stopped, and turned his head to look at me, with sad, blue eyes.

"Here." I held up my broom. "Take this with you. Maybe, it will help you think of me. And then, then you wont forget about me."

His eyes turned to shock, as he turned to face me again.

" Oh. A push broom. But, why would that remind me of you?"

He gasped as the memories flooded back to him. He was always so focused on her beautiful face that he never noticed she would always be sweeping the floor with that particular push broom.

"Italy." He smiled as he walked forward and took it from my hands.

"Si, gratzie. I would be honored to have your push broom!"

The two soldiers remaining that were to escort him, whispered to each other.

Holy Rome looked at me with a small smile.

"I...I feel like I should give you something, too. What do- what do people at your home do if they like someone?"

"Um, kiss I think. " I said with small tears in my eyes.

"Kiss? I see. "

He started to lean forward towards me.

"I've liked you for a very long time, its been at least since the 10th century."

And then he was kissing me. His lips were very soft, and we stood there, holding hands as we stole each other's first kiss. The wind blew around us, my dress and his cloak fluttering in the wind. We stayed like that for a while, until we both needed to breath. We both pulled away, tears still in my eyes.

"Oh. Really?"

"Yes, really. I wouldn't lie to you." He said this with complete confidence written all over his face. I smiled.

"Yay! Thats happy!"

He smiled, a real smile, not a small one like he usually did.

"Well, I'm off. Be careful. When this war finally ends, I promise I'll come and see you again."

With that, he turned and started to walk away with my push broom, a smile and a blush on his face, his head still turned towards me a little.

"Ok, then! I'l miss you! I'll be waiting! I'll make you a lot of treats for when you get back! Don't get sick! Try not to get injured or die violently, either! I know we'll see each other again, I know we will! I know it!" I yelled after him as he walked away.

He turned around, his free arm stretched out towards me, a big smile and tears in his eyes,

"No matter how much time may pass, you'll always be my most favorite in the world!" He yelled to me.

And then he left.

~Later, when Italy is a teenager, but before he hits puberty~

I hum as I sweep the floors clean. Today, I'm in the best mood I've ever been in for a long time. The war had ended! Which meant...

Holy Rome was coming home.

Finally, he was coming home.

I couldn't wait to see him.

I remembered my promise, and Miss Hungary and I made a lot of tasty treats for Holy Rome. He would be treated well on his return, even if he lost the war.

The kiss he gave me as a chibi was a spark that ignited into a fire. I didn't know how much I really loved him until he left. And, as they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder...

Well, I've grown fonder. The first thing I'm going to do when I see him is I'm going to kiss him, hug him, and paint with him like we used to do together. I've missed him so much, I can't wait to see what he looks like now, all grown up!

Someone knocked on the door. WAS IT HIM?! I half ran to the door to find Miss Hungary had answered already.

And that wasn't Holy Rome in the doorway, it was big brother France. My heart dropped a bit, even thought I love my brother, I still wanted to see Holy Rome more.

I started to sweep the floor right there, so if they were wondering what I was doing there, I could say that I was sweeping, no more, no less.

"Hello, France." Hungary said.

"Allo, Hungary." France replies. Something must be wrong, because France would complement any woman, but he didn't this time!

"Is...something wrong, France?"

"Oui... I need to talk to my brother, Italy." I started to sweep within their line of eyesight, pretending like I hadn't heard them and looked up.

"Big brother France!" I dropped my broom and ran over to hug him.

"Allo...Italy." France sighed.

"Whats wrong? Why are you so upset? Do you know where Holy Rome is?"

France flinched when I said Holy Rome. Why would he do that?

"Oh, Italy." His face was plastered with a very saddened expression. "Holy... Holy Rome..."

My heart dreaded what he was going to say next. Pleasesayheisokpleasesayheis okpleasesayheisok-

"Italy, Holy Rome is... dead."

I opened my eyes, wide. Hungary and France were both surprised by this, they never had seen my eyes before.

"Wh-what?" I whispered.

"Im really sorry, Italy. We found the body-"

Tears were sliding down my face. He was...dead?

"We," he sniffed, now he was crying as well, "We found the body, and went to get medical help, but... But when we came back, it was gone. "

"What do you mean 'gone'?" Hungary asked.

" It just... disappeared. The sword we found in the body,"

I hissed, he was stabbed with a sword? Oh god... I was really crying now.

"The sword was where it was, but there was a lock of hair in place of the body. It was silver." I ran forward and grabbed France. I hugged him tightly, crying and bawling. Hungary scowled for a second before coming over to me and hugging me as well. They both were whispering things but I could only hear one thing replaying in my head, over and over.

Holy Rome, my love, was dead.

~Later in the month~

The funeral was extremely depressing. Everybody was beautifully dressed in mourning black. I was crying the entire time, all through the ceremony, and when we put the empty tomb into the ground, as a place marker seeing as we couldn't find his body.

Everybody left except for me, France, and Hungary. I put a single rose on the tomb before I left, as France and Hungary comforted me.

"ITALY, GOD DAMNIT, WAKE UP!"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" I shrieked as I bolted upright.

I had fallen asleep during the meeting, and apparently, everybody was staring at me. I was breathing heavily, my face feeling hot and sticky. My eyes were wide open.

"Italy? Are you ok?"

I felt my face and looked to see I had been crying, hard, in my sleep. I looked up at Germany with my wet, big brown eyes.

God damnit, I can be here right now. I need to be painting, or at the cemetary, ANYWHERE but here, where everybody was looking at me.

"Italy?"

It didn't help that Germany looked so much like him! I backed up, and got out of my chair. I panicked, and ran out the doors.

"Italy!" I heard France yell after me.

"Shit, Hungary!"

"On it!"

Hungary jumped up and ran after Italy, France staying behind.

"I didn't think he would come today."

"Why do you say that?" Japan asked.

"Because... Today is a very sorrow filled day in Italy's life."

"Is it because..." Austria began, knowing the answer already. France nodded his head yes, and Austria sighed.

"Mind telling the rest of us whats going on?" Germany asked.

"When Italy was a child, he was very close to Holy Rome. Today is... The day he died."

It went silent before France walked out the door, following after Hungary.

I ran as fast as I could through corridors and hallways and, finally, reaching the door to get out side. I ran out to the huge courtyard a d got halfway across before Hungary tackled me to the ground.

We both sat up, her on her knees and I cross-legged.

"Were...you...dreaming about him?" she asked me.

I sniffled before exploding into tears. I cried as she pulled me into her lap and soothed me,

"Its ok... Its ok, Italy... Everything will be ok..."

I cried into her shoulder as she cradled me, stroking my hair, avoiding the curl, thankfully. That was the last thing I needed right now.

A couple of minutes later, France walked out and ran over to us. He knelt down and I looked at him.

"Are you ok, Italy."

I sniffed.

"I can't stop thinking about him! And..." I sobbed, France and Hungary both hugging me.

"And, I ran because I last saw his face in my dream and when I woke up, there was Germany. And he looks so much like him!" I cried hard.

They both exchanged looks with each other when they heard the part about Germany, but really, that's why I always put up with the yelling and training.

"That is why, Italy?" France asked me. Oops, I think I said the last part out loud.

I started to cry heavily again. The rest, or at least most, of the other countries came out to see what was taking so long. They saw me crying, hard, smushed against Hungary and France, who were hugging me and comforting me.

"Italy, do you want me to take you to the cemetery?"

I nodded my head and cried more. France picked me up as Hungary ran to the others.

"France is going to take Italy to see Holy Rome's grave."

The countries just nodded and they all departed, deciding that the meeting was over for the day. Germany went back in the house and turned everything off. When he got out again, Hungary stopped him.

"Will you go with Italy? You ARE his best friend, and I think he would like the and...well..."

"What?"

"Italy told us... He loves to be around you because you are just like Holy Rome to him. But...different, too."

"Uh...Ja. Ok, i'll go."

"Good. He'll be happy."

Germany and Hungary got into France's car, where they drove to the cemetery.

When they got there, France had to leave because he was meeting up with Britain soon, so he took Hungary to get her car, dropping off Germany and me. I was sitting on a bench outside the cemetery gates, still crying a bit.

"Ger-Germany?"

"Hmm?"

"Can... Can you carry me to his grave?" He looked around and sighed.

"Fine." He walked over to me and scooped me up. Wow, he was strong! He carried me into the cemetery, my legs had become jello because I was so sad and weak.

I led him towards the grave, and when we got there, I asked him to put me down. I collapsed in front of it and cried. Germany patted my shoulder, god, he looked like Holy Rome so much.

"You... You look so much like him, you know."

"Like...Holy Rome? Really?"

"Yeah, blonde hair, piercing blue eyes. Your attitude is mostly the same, too. He was a bit softer though because-" I cut off and started to cry heavily. Germany crouched down next to me, he slung an arm around my shoulder.

When I finally stopped crying for a second, I finished my sentence,

"Because he loved me." I whispered. After that, I proceeded to tell Germany everything about my childhood, how people thought I was a girl, how I was dressed in dresses, what happened the day Holy Rome left me, everything.

"You know, I'll think you'll be ok, Italy."

"What makes you say that? After everything I went through as a child?"

"At least you remember."

I paused to look at him, his face was grim.

"What?"

"At least you remember your childhood. All I can remember is waking up at Prussia's house one day."

"Oh. I'm so sorry."

"Ja, the empty hollow feeling inside doesn't feel good, but at least you feel something about your past."

We stayed there until Hungary came to get us, and we went back to Germany's house, er, MY house I guess, seeing as how we are in Italy and I wanted Germany to stay with me. He made dinner for us, wurst and beer, though I had wine, and when we finished, after everything was put away, we were going to go to bed when I asked him something important.

"Germany?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Ok, well, usually I spend this day at the cemetery or in my attic painting pictures. I've never let anybody see the paintings, but I would be willing to let you look, if you wanted to. "

Paintings? Well, He knew that Italy was a good painter, but he had never actually seen one of his paintings before.

"Sure, I'll look at your paintings."

"Ok, follow me, alright?"

I led him up a pair of stairs that led to extra rooms in my house, and up another set of stairs into the attic.

My attic was huge, despite how small the rest of my house was, it was the perfect studio. I reached over to the white cloths, hiding past works underneath. I showed them to Germany, one at a time.

A picture of a field we used to play in.

The rabbit that we drew together.

Him. Lots of them were his face or just him. Then I had a few grave ones, rose ones. All sorts.

Germany looked over each with interest, particularly studying the ones of his face. Germany kept looking until he gasped. I walked over to him, to find my old push broom. The one I used as a child. The one I gave Holy Rome.

"I...I remember this broom."

Wait, WHAT?

"I remember the girl... She gave it to me before I left for war."

"I gave this broom to Holy Rome before he left. I got it back after Holy Rome had died."

"That's strange because I remember a little girl giving me this before I left, and when I woke up after sleeping in Prussia's house for the first time, it was gone!"

I looked over at me, eyes filled with tears again.

"Are you saying...that..."

"Italy, I think I am Holy Rome."

I cried and jumped/hugged him, pulling him into a kiss that I don't think he minded much.

Holy Rome finally has come home.


	2. Chapter 2

**After many requests to continue this wonderful story, I have decided to do so. (Clap, you fools!) I was really sad the day I wrote this for some strange reason, so Im going to make this part PURE FLUFF, so you guys aren't upset with me for making you cry... BE PREPARED FOR FLUFFINES AND COVER YOUR VITAL REGIONS FROM THE AWESOME PRUSSIA!**

**Also, sorry for the crappy ending to chapter 1...**

* * *

****"You, you came back! I _knew_ you would come back!"

"Im so sorry, Italy. I never meant to be away this long."

I smiled as tears ran from my eye. I was hugging him tightly as I pressed my face into the crook of his neck. I pulled away only to kiss him, a second later, I remembered something,

"Mmrpf!" I pulled away from him, looking at his confused expression.

"What's wrong?"

"I forgotted! I promised to make you tasty treats for when you came back!" He chuckled.

"Italy, thats not necessary-"

"Yes it _is_!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him to the kitchen to shower him with treats.

* * *

A couple hours later, we were getting ready for bed. It had been a looooooooooong day for me, but I think it will be alright. Like normally, we sleep in the same bed, his. But this time, its... different. It feels, weird, but safe, comfy, happy. I don't really know, but I'm happy, and so is he, so every things ok. I think.

"Italy? You ok?"

I turn over to look at him. Im lying on my right side, seeing as how my curl...

"Yeah, it just feels...different." He nodded in agreement. I smiled at him,

"Well, buonanotte!"

"gute Nacht." He smiles before turning over, seeing as how, me already knowing this, it hurts for him to lay on his left side, for some strange reason. He never really liked to talk about why that was...

I could hear him breathing, seeing as how he was asleep. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around him before falling asleep.

* * *

The next morning, I woke up before him (OMG, I DID IT!) and make breakfast. He came down later and we ate.

"Italy?" I was putting the finished dishes into the sink, and I turned around to look at him; boxers, tank top, and disheveled hair.

"I... I still can't remember that much about my childhood days. Its still...foggy. I need something, like that push broom, to spark my memory, before I can remember again."

I smiled at him, he seemed less... I don't really know. Angry? Frustrated? Unhappy? Constipated? He seemed less tense, a little more relaxed. Kind of like Holy Rome...

"You know, I know what we should do today!" He raised an eyebrow, making me giggle.

"We should go to Austria's old house! That's where I- _we_ used to all live together. You, me, Miss Hungary, and Mister Austria! If we went back, I'm sure you'd remember _something_!" He closed his eyes and smiled.

"Sure."

I ran to call Mister Austria on the phone, to ask if we could go. He still owned the house, he just didn't live there. He sent servants there to clean it up, so that when he did go, it would be clean. He was always telling me to clean the floors about three times before I could go to bed at night, making sure I got _every last _bit of dust or dirt off the floor.

Ahh, good times.

"Hello? Who is this?"

"Hello Austria! Its Italy!"

"Well, you seem _much_ happier than you were yesterday."

"I am! I have a question, can I go to your old house? the one I grew up in?"

"Why?"

"Because, I want one of my paintings, from when I was a child."

"I thought you had all your paintings."

"Me too, but I realized one was missing, and I painted it when I was a child, so it MUST be back at your old house! Can I go? Please?"

"Well, normally I would escort you, so you didn't ruin anything, but I happen to be busy today."

"How about if Germany came with me? Then would you let us go?"

"... I suppose. As long as you don't make a mess, you can go. The key is on top of the door frame."

"Ve! Gratzie, Mister Austria!"

"Hmm. Goodbye." The line went dead, and I half skipped, half ran back to Germany's room, knowing he was most likely changing into normal clothing. I knocked on the door, not wanting to walk in on him, because that would be _REALLY_ awkward...

"Come in."

I walked in, he was buttoning the last button on his military jacket. Well, normal jacket, I guess, seeing as how we just wear our military uniforms everyday.

"We are going to the house that we grew up in!"

"Really? Does Austria...?"

"He knows we are going there, but he thinks we're getting a painting that I left there as a child, which I probably did, but I think only you and I should know about..." I trailed off. I _did_ think that only us two should know, because the others might be like, what?

"Ok. You should probably get dressed. Im sure Austria won't like you going to his house in your underwear."

"Huh?" I looked down and remembered, Im only wearing boxers and a tank top.

"Right! I'll be right back!" I ran back to my room and changed into my normal clothes, my blue suit, and ran out to the door, where Germany was waiting.

"Let's go!"

* * *

I had put the directions into my GPS, knowing very well that I was going to fall asleep on the trip, which I did.

I woke up a few minutes before we got there, looking at all the surrounding scenery; the trees, the dirt road.

When Germany stopped the car, we both got out. I took a lungful of the sweet, fresh air. Yep, it hasn't changed around here.

"I..."

I looked over to see Germany looking at the gates with nostalgia written all over his face.

"I... remember that gate..."

"Good! Come on!" I took him by the hand and slowly led him throughout the courtyard. Everything was as it was the last time I was here. Beautiful and neat. He looked around at everything, making sure to get every detail, and I let him do so. We got to the door of the house, I looked up. I remember the door being slightly big, and I wasn't tall enough to reach the top of the door frame.

"Germany?"

"Ja?"

"Austria told me the key was onto of the doorframe, and I'm too short to reach, can you get it?"

He reached up, and felt along the wood until he found it, giving me the old fashioned, two tooth key. I gripped it in my hand and unlocked the door, a loud click as the tumblers fell into place, and I swung the doors open. The house was still as I remembered it, white marble and shining, without any dust.

"Come on! Im sure you'll remember more." I took him b the arm and slowly showed him the house. I could tell by the look on his face that he was slowly remembering, regaining knowledge that had previously been lost to him. I showed him his old room, and he smiled.

"I remember this, my bed was there, and a table there." He stood in the middle of the, now, empty room. I smiled, he WAS getting his memory back, piece by piece. An hour later, I was done showing him the big, old house.

"Let's go outside!" I took him outside, and led him to that field, the one we would go to to draw and paint animals.

"Remember this?"

"We... we used to paint, right?"

"Yeah! We used to paint in the fields, remember the rabbit we drew?" He smiled and chuckled,

"Yes, and I remember it looking like junk compared to your perfect one."

"It wasn't junk! It was just the leg that needed fixing! Also, I had experience from Grandpa Rome, so it was a bit of cheating on my part..."

He smiled and hugged me.

"I think I remember how cute you used to look, in your green dress." I blushed when I heard that.

We spent the most of the day in the field, looking at the clouds, pointing out old memories, or I would, and left, locking up everything once we were done. We would've stayed longer, but by the way my stomach was rumbling, I was getting hungry.

We went back to my house to eat pasta (WHOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOOOO!) and fell asleep in Germany's bed again. Today was good. Today was happy. And I'm sure plenty more are to come. And I know that Germany is Holy Rome, but... he isn't at the same time, so...

Im happy. I guess that and Germany is all that matters. I will no longer mourn on that one day, but be happier than...

when I have pasta. And I LOVE pasta, so you catch my drift.

Hasta la Pasta! Im off to have some gnocchi!

* * *

**There, I hope that covered the depressing bits in the first chapter. Happy? Also, if you don't know what gnocchi is, go look it up because I'm too lazy to tell you. R&R? FOR EVERY REVIEW I GET, I WILL GIVE ITALY A BOWL OF PASTA, SO GET CRACKING, PEOPLE! **


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